199+ Funny & Creative Rectal Thermometer Jokes

Rectal thermometer jokes might be the quirky humor you didn’t know you needed. 

From clever puns to unexpected punchlines, these jokes take an ordinary medical device and turn it into a hilarious conversation starter. 

Whether you’re sharing a laugh with friends or lightening the mood, these jokes are sure to bring giggles. 

The Benefits of Choosing Funny Rectal Thermometer Jokes

• Lightens the Mood: Medical humor helps diffuse tension and makes uncomfortable topics more approachable.

• Great Icebreaker: These jokes spark laughter, breaking the ice in awkward situations.

• Memorable Impact: Clever jokes leave a lasting impression, sticking in your memory.

• Universal Appeal: Everyone loves a good laugh, making these jokes a hit across audiences.

Funny & Creative Rectal Thermometer Jokes

1. Why did the rectal thermometer get a promotion? Because it had a great sense of inner purpose.
2. What do you call a rectal thermometer that tells stories? A tale from the crypt.
3. My friend is a rectal thermometer. His job is a real pain in the butt.
4. Why don’t rectal thermometers play poker? They can’t keep a straight face.
5. What did the rectal thermometer say to the oral one? “You have it easy, everyone just opens up to you.”
6. I tried to invent a solar-powered rectal thermometer. It was a dark idea.
7. Why was the rectal thermometer so calm? It knew how to take things in stride.
8. How do you compliment a rectal thermometer? “You really get to the bottom of things.”
9. What’s a rectal thermometer’s favorite song? “Stuck in the Middle with You.”
10. Did you hear about the rectal thermometer that went to school? It graduated with high honors.
11. Why did the rectal thermometer break up with the stethoscope? It felt too much pressure.
12. What’s the motto of a rectal thermometer? “The end justifies the means.”
13. I asked a rectal thermometer for its opinion. It gave me the bottom line.
14. Why are rectal thermometers so good at their job? They have a firm grasp of the situation.
15. What do you call an artistic rectal thermometer? A masterpiece of the rear-guard.
16. Why did the rectal thermometer go to the party? It heard things were going to get wild.
17. How do rectal thermometers communicate? Through back channels.
18. I have a joke about a rectal thermometer, but it’s a bit cheeky.
19. What’s a rectal thermometer’s favorite movie? The Rear Window.
20. Why was the rectal thermometer so popular? It always knew the inside scoop.
21. What did the doctor say to the nervous rectal thermometer? “Just go with the flow.”
22. Why are rectal thermometers so honest? They can’t hide anything.
23. I lost my rectal thermometer. Now I have to get to the bottom of it.
24. What’s a rectal thermometer’s life philosophy? “It is what it is, in the end.”
25. My rectal thermometer is also a comedian. It has some bottom-of-the-barrel jokes.
26. Why did the rectal thermometer win the race? It took a shortcut through the back passage.
27. What’s a rectal thermometer’s least favorite food? Anything that’s half-baked.
28. Did you hear about the optimistic rectal thermometer? It always looked on the bright side of the backside.
29. Why was the rectal thermometer so good at debates? It always got to the core of the issue.
30. What’s a rectal thermometer’s favorite type of music? Anything with a solid backbeat.
31. How does a rectal thermometer stay in shape? By doing butt crunches.
32. What’s the first rule of Rectal Thermometer Club? You don’t talk about Rectal Thermometer Club.
33. Why did the rectal thermometer get sent to its room? For being a smart aleck.
34. My rectal thermometer is a real pro. It never cracks under pressure.
35. What’s a rectal thermometer’s favorite day of the week? Rear-view Friday.

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Unique Rectal Thermometer Jokes One Liners

1. A rectal thermometer’s job isn’t glamorous, but it’s a noble calling.
2. I told my rectal thermometer a secret; I know it won’t spill the beans.
3. My digital rectal thermometer is great, it really gives me the low-down.
4. Rectal thermometers are the unsung heroes of the medical world.
5. You can’t fool a rectal thermometer; it knows when you’re full of it.
6. The life of a rectal thermometer is full of ups and downs.
7. I respect rectal thermometers; they really dig deep.
8. My career as a rectal thermometer tester didn’t work out; the feedback was always the same.
9. Rectal thermometers are the best listeners; they take in everything.
10. Being a rectal thermometer must be tough; you’re always in a tight spot.
11. My new rectal thermometer is Bluetooth-enabled; it’s the backend of technology.
12. A rectal thermometer’s work is never done; there’s always another angle to consider.
13. I bought a cheap rectal thermometer; it was a real bum deal.
14. Rectal thermometers are great at reading the room.
15. I’m starting a rectal thermometer choir; we specialize in bass notes.
16. My rectal thermometer quit its job; it was tired of the same old routine.
17. The new rectal thermometers are smart; they have a degree in anatomy.
18. I tried to argue with a rectal thermometer, but it had a solid point.
19. Rectal thermometers have a tough job, but someone has to do it.
20. A rectal thermometer’s motto: In thermometers we trust.
21. I feel for rectal thermometers; they’re always getting the short end of the stick.
22. My rectal thermometer is a poet; it writes odes to the colon.
23. Rectal thermometers must be patient; they wait for the perfect temperature.
24. I’m thinking of a career change; being a rectal thermometer seems pretty straightforward.
25. My rectal thermometer is my best friend; it knows my inner self.
26. Rectal thermometers are the ultimate fact-checkers.
27. A rectal thermometer knows the difference between a fever and just being full of hot air.
28. My rectal thermometer is so accurate; it’s right on the button.
29. I have a lot of respect for rectal thermometers; they work behind the scenes.
30. The rectal thermometer is a true professional; it always keeps its cool.
31. Never trust a smiling rectal thermometer.
32. A rectal thermometer’s favorite part of the day is the end.
33. I got my rectal thermometer a gift, but it was hard to find something that fit.
34. The rectal thermometer is a true insider.

Dirty Rectal Thermometer Jokes

1. What did the rectal thermometer say after a long day? “Man, I’ve seen some things.”
2. Why was the rectal thermometer blushing? You don’t want to know.
3. What’s the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? The taste, mostly.
4. My rectal thermometer just told me a dirty joke, but it’s too crude to repeat.
5. Why did the rectal thermometer go to confession? It had a lot to get off its chest.
6. Being a rectal thermometer means you really have to be comfortable in tight spaces.
7. What did one rectal thermometer say to the other? “This job stinks.”
8. Why don’t rectal thermometers make good comedians? Their jokes are always a bit off-color.
9. My rectal thermometer has a dark sense of humor. Very dark.
10. What’s a rectal thermometer’s favorite pickup line? “Are you a 98.6? Because you’re hot.”
11. I asked my rectal thermometer how its day was. It just said, “Don’t ask.”
12. Rectal thermometers see the parts of you that you hide from everyone else.
13. Why did the rectal thermometer get fired? It couldn’t stop making butt-of-the-joke comments.
14. What’s a rectal thermometer’s secret? It knows what you had for dinner.
15. Why are rectal thermometers so jaded? They’ve been to the dark side.
16. My rectal thermometer and I have a very intimate relationship.
17. What do you call a nosy rectal thermometer? An intrusive thought.
18. The life of a rectal thermometer is a journey to the center of the… well, you know.
19. Why was the rectal thermometer so cynical? It had been in some really bad places.
20. I tried to tell my rectal thermometer a clean joke. It didn’t get it.
21. What did the patient say to the rectal thermometer? “We have to stop meeting like this.”
22. Rectal thermometers are the true definition of “getting personal.”
23. Why did the rectal thermometer break down? It saw too much.
24. What’s the rectal thermometer’s favorite song? “Welcome to the Jungle.”
25. My rectal thermometer has been through a lot. It needs therapy.
26. You learn a lot about a person from their rectal thermometer.
27. The rectal thermometer’s job is a dirty one, but it pays the bills.
28. I wouldn’t trade places with a rectal thermometer for anything.
29. Why are rectal thermometers so direct? They have no filter.
30. My rectal thermometer has a one-track mind.
31. What did the nurse say? “This is going to be a little uncomfortable.” The thermometer agreed.
32. A rectal thermometer’s favorite game is hide-and-seek.
33. You know you’re in trouble when the rectal thermometer starts laughing.
34. I’m writing a book from the perspective of a rectal thermometer. It’s a tragedy.

Rectal Thermometer Jokes Collected from Reddit

1. Where does a rectal thermometer keep its money? In a slush fund.
2. What’s the difference between a rectal and an oral thermometer? The placement.
3. My job is like a rectal thermometer. Everyone’s happy to see me go.
4. I told my doctor I swallowed a rectal thermometer. He told me to sit tight and that this too shall pass.
5. Rectal thermometers are like politicians; they both need a firm hand to get to the bottom of things.
6. I bought a talking rectal thermometer. All it says is, “I’m in.”
7. Why did the rectal thermometer get an award? For outstanding service in its field.
8. What do you call a rectal thermometer that’s a spy? An undercover agent.
9. I made a rectal thermometer out of wood. It was a lumber-calamity.
10. The rectal thermometer is the only device that gets to the point by going backward.
11. My rectal thermometer is an adventurer. It loves to explore the great indoors.
12. Why are rectal thermometers so good at finding things? They always look in the last place you’d expect.
13. I invented a disposable rectal thermometer. It’s a one-and-done deal.
14. What did the oral thermometer say to the rectal one? “You really have a crappy job.”
15. My rectal thermometer is a great motivator. It always pushes me to the end.
16. I don’t trust rectal thermometers. They’re always up to something.
17. The rectal thermometer union is demanding better working conditions. They want a cleaner environment.
18. I have a fear of rectal thermometers. It’s a deep-seated anxiety.
19. What’s a rectal thermometer’s favorite book? Journey to the End of the Night.
20. Why do rectal thermometers make terrible friends? They’re always behind your back.
21. I have a rectal thermometer that doubles as a mood ring. It tells me when I’m feeling crappy.
22. The new intern was told to sterilize the rectal thermometers. He licked them clean.
23. I tried to build my own rectal thermometer. It was a pain to put together.
24. A rectal thermometer’s life is a constant cycle of insertion and reflection.
25. My rectal thermometer has a great sense of direction. It always finds its way.
26. I’m training to be a rectal thermometer repairman. It’s a niche market.
27. Why was the rectal thermometer so wise? It had a lot of inside information.
28. What’s a rectal thermometer’s biggest fear? Getting stuck.
29. The rectal thermometer is a humble tool, working in the shadows.
30. I have a joke about a rectal thermometer, but the punchline is a bit hard to swallow.
31. Never play hide and seek with a rectal thermometer; it will find you.
32. What’s a rectal thermometer’s career goal? To reach the top from the bottom.

Best Rectal Thermometer Jokes

1. Why did the rectal thermometer get a standing ovation? It really nailed the ending.
2. What’s a rectal thermometer’s favorite hobby? Getting to the bottom of things.
3. How do you make a rectal thermometer laugh? Tell it a corny joke.
4. I named my rectal thermometer “Kenny.” Because it always dies in the end.
5. What’s the main difference between a rectal thermometer and a tongue depressor? Don’t mix them up.
6. A nurse walks in with a rectal thermometer and says, “This won’t hurt a bit.” The thermometer thinks, “Speak for yourself.”
7. Why are rectal thermometers so good at keeping secrets? They’re used to tight lips.
8. What do you call a rectal thermometer on a roller coaster? A thrill-seeker.
9. My rectal thermometer told me a joke. It was a real stinker.
10. Why did the rectal thermometer feel so important? Because it held a position of great responsibility.
11. A rectal thermometer’s job is hard, but it provides a warm feeling inside.
12. What’s a rectal thermometer’s least favorite movie? Flushed Away.
13. I’m not saying my doctor is old, but his rectal thermometer is mercury-based.
14. Why are rectal thermometers always so punctual? They don’t want to be left behind.
15. What do you call a group of rectal thermometers? A rear-guard.
16. My rectal thermometer is very philosophical. It ponders the meaning of the end.
17. I tried to use a rectal thermometer as a bookmark. It was a real page-turner.
18. Why was the rectal thermometer so stressed? It had a lot on its plate.
19. A rectal thermometer walks into a bar. The bartender says, “You’re a real pain.”
20. What’s a rectal thermometer’s dream vacation? A trip to the rear-iviera.
21. I have a rectal thermometer that plays music. It has a great back-catalog.
22. The rectal thermometer is the only employee that starts at the bottom and stays there.
23. Why did the rectal thermometer get into politics? It wanted to get to the bottom of corruption.
24. My rectal thermometer is a real artist. It paints a vivid picture.
25. I asked a rectal thermometer for advice. It told me to look inward.
26. What’s a rectal thermometer’s favorite sport? Bobsledding.
27. Why are rectal thermometers bad at lying? They can’t cover their tracks.
28. My rectal thermometer is a historian. It studies the past.
29. What do you call a rectal thermometer with a PhD? Dr. Heinie.
30. The rectal thermometer is a true professional. It never butts in.
31. Why was the rectal thermometer so confident? It had a firm handle on the situation.
32. What’s a rectal thermometer’s favorite snack? Anything bite-sized.
33. The rectal thermometer is a master of subtlety.
34. I lost my rectal thermometer, and now my life has no direction.

Clever & Crazy Rectal Thermometer Jokes

1. An oral thermometer asks a rectal thermometer, “Why the long face?” The rectal thermometer replies, “You wouldn’t understand the things I’ve seen.”
2. I invented a voice-activated rectal thermometer. It says, “Okay, bend over.”
3. Why are rectal thermometers like good detectives? They always crack the case from the inside.
4. My rectal thermometer is studying quantum physics. It’s exploring the fundamentals of the universe.
5. What do you call a rectal thermometer that tells the future? A rear-voyant.
6. I’m designing an AI-powered rectal thermometer. It learns from your backside.
7. Why did the rectal thermometer join the circus? It was a natural at tightrope walking.
8. My rectal thermometer has a great poker face. You can never tell what it’s thinking.
9. What’s a rectal thermometer’s favorite literary genre? Anything from the rear-canon.
10. I tried to teach my rectal thermometer to sing, but it only knew one note: B-flat.
11. Why did the rectal thermometer become a philosopher? It wanted to understand the end of all things.
12. I have a rectal thermometer that can solve Rubik’s Cubes. It’s got a knack for internal logic.
13. What do you call a rectal thermometer that’s also a musician? A procto-logythm specialist.
14. My rectal thermometer is a minimalist. It believes less is more.
15. Why are rectal thermometers so insightful? They have a deep understanding of the human condition.
16. I invented a rectal thermometer that gives motivational speeches. It says, “The end is just the beginning.”
17. What do you get when you cross a rectal thermometer with a camera? A very personal photo album.
18. My rectal thermometer is a mathematician. It loves to solve problems from the bottom up.
19. Why did the rectal thermometer go to art school? To master the fine art of insertion.
20. I have a rectal thermometer that’s a foodie. It can identify last night’s dinner.
21. What’s a rectal thermometer’s favorite kind of humor? Dry and to the point.
22. My rectal thermometer is a linguist. It’s fluent in back-talk.
23. Why did the rectal thermometer become a spy? It was great at gathering intel from behind enemy lines.
24. I’m writing a screenplay about a heroic rectal thermometer. It’s an underdog story.
25. What do you call a psychic rectal thermometer? A clear-bottom-voyant.
26. My rectal thermometer is training for a marathon. It’s all about the final stretch.
27. Why are rectal thermometers so good at their jobs? They have a degree in deep learning.
28. I have a rectal thermometer that’s a stand-up comic. Its delivery is always on point.
29. What do you call a magic rectal thermometer? A temp-tation.
30. My rectal thermometer is an archaeologist. It loves digging into the past.
31. Why was the rectal thermometer a good leader? It knew how to take charge from behind.
32. What’s a rectal thermometer’s secret talent? It can read between the lines.