199+ Funny & Creative Kendo Jokes

Looking for a good laugh while exploring the art of kendo? You’ve come to the right place! 

This collection of 199+ funny and creative kendo jokes is packed with wit and humor for martial arts enthusiasts and curious minds alike. 

Whether you’re a seasoned swordsman or just someone who enjoys a clever pun, these jokes will have you chuckling in no time. 

The Benefits of Choosing Funny Kendo Jokes

• Boosts Morale – Laughter uplifts spirits during intense kendo practice.
• Builds Camaraderie – A good joke strengthens bonds between dojo members.
• Reduces Stress – Humor lightens the mood, easing training pressure.
• Enhances Focus – Funny moments refresh minds, improving concentration.
• Creates Memories – Jokes make practice sessions memorable and fun.

Funny & Creative Kendo Jokes

1. Why did the Kendo student bring a ladder to the dojo? He wanted to reach a higher level of practice.
2. What do you call a Kendo master who loves to garden? A Ken-sei with a green thumb.
3. Why are Kendo practitioners so calm? They have a lot of inner men.
4. What’s a Kendo fighter’s favorite type of story? One with a good kote-hanger.
5. Why don’t Kendo players get lost? They always follow the do.
6. What did one shinai say to the other? “I feel a real connection with you.”
7. Why was the Kendo student a bad poker player? He couldn’t hide his men.
8. What’s a Kendo practitioner’s favorite dessert? Do-nuts.
9. How do Kendo fighters stay cool? They have a lot of fans in the dojo.
10. Why did the sensei go broke? Because Kendo makes no cents.
11. What’s a Kendo fighter’s favorite type of music? Swing.
12. Why did the Kendo student get a job at the bakery? He was great at handling the do.
13. What do you call a lazy Kendo practitioner? A shin-ain’t.
14. Why are Kendo senseis so good at giving advice? They always get to the point.
15. What do you call a nervous Kendo fighter? A basket case.
16. How do you know a Kendo practitioner is a good friend? They always have your back… and front.
    1T. What do you call a Kendo match in the morning? A do or die situation.
17. Why was the computer so good at Kendo? It had a hard drive.
18. What did the Kendo student say after a tough practice? “That was men-tally exhausting.”
19. Why do Kendo fighters make good detectives? They’re great at following leads and striking when the time is right.
20. What’s a Kendo practitioner’s favorite part of a joke? The punchline.
21. Why did the tomato turn red during the Kendo match? It saw the salad dressing.
22. How do Kendo practitioners write letters? With a shin-pen.
23. What’s a Kendo fighter’s least favorite chore? Doing the dishes, they hate getting their kote wet.
24. Why did the Kendo student join the band? He had a great sense of rhythm and timing.
25. What do you call a group of musical Kendo fighters? A shinai-phony orchestra.
26. Why did the Kendo practitioner break up with the archer? Their relationship had no point.
27. What do you call a Kendo fight between two insects? A men-tis battle.
28. Why was the Kendo master so respected? He never lost his composure.
29. What’s a Kendo fighter’s favorite game? Tag, you’re hit!
30. Why don’t Kendo fighters play cards? Too many people get hit.
31. What’s a Kendo dog’s favorite command? Do fetch!
32. Why did the Kendo student stop telling jokes? His delivery was always a bit off target.
33. How can you tell if someone is a Kendo practitioner at a party? They’re the one making all the sharp comments.
34. What did the sensei say to the student who was always late? “You need to shinai-pen your time management.”
35. Why are Kendo jokes the best? They always have a point.
36. What do you call a Kendo fighter who is also a chef? A master of the blade.
37. Why did the Kendo student wear two pairs of pants to practice? In case he got a hole in one.
38. What’s a ghost’s favorite Kendo strike? A boo-do.
39. Why was the Kendo sensei so good at math? He could calculate the perfect angle for a strike.

Read Also: 199+ Funny & Creative Coat Hanger Jokes

Unique Kendo Jokes One Liners

41. I tried to tell a Kendo joke, but it didn’t land a hit.
42. My sensei told me I need more focus, but my men is all over the place.
43. Kendo is the only sport where shouting makes you better.
44. I have a love-hate relationship with my shinai; it’s a striking balance.
45. My Kendo gear smells like victory… and a lot of sweat.
46. You know you’re a kenshi when your laundry is 90% bogu.
47. I asked my sensei for a raise, but he said I needed to work on my delivery.
48. I’m not saying I’m bad at Kendo, but the target dummy sued for harassment.
49. Kendo: where we pay to get hit with sticks.
50. My favorite part of Kendo is the silent bow… it’s the calm before the storm.
51. I’m thinking of opening a Kendo-themed bakery called “Do-Jo’s Doughnuts.”
52. I’d make a Kendo pun, but I don’t want to get bamboo-zled.
53. My financial plan is just buying more Kendo equipment.
54. I tried meditating like my sensei, but I just fell asleep in seiza.
55. Being a kenshi means your shins have more colors than a rainbow.
56. Kendo is just aggressive hugging with bamboo sticks.
57. My sensei says I have potential, which I think means I’m not hitting anything yet.
58. I told my friend a Kendo joke, and he said it was a bit on the nose… or on the men.
59. My shinai has more cracks than my phone screen.
60. The loudest sound in the universe is a sensei saying “one more time.”
61. I thought Kendo was a type of coffee for the longest time.
62. My kiai sounds less like a warrior and more like a startled bird.
63. You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy a shinai, and that’s pretty close.
64. In Kendo, the goal is to hit, not to be hit. I’m excellent at the second part.
65. My bogu fits me like a glove… a very heavy, smelly glove.
66. I’m not late for practice, I’m just operating on “dojo time.”
67. My sensei has two moods: “Good job” and “Again.”
68. I practice Kendo to relieve stress, but mostly I just create more bruises.
69. My idea of a perfect date is a trip to the dojo.
70. Forget “live, laugh, love.” My motto is “kiai, strike, bow.”
71. I don’t need therapy, I just need to hit something with a bamboo stick.
72. The hardest part of Kendo is trying to explain the bruises to your coworkers.
73. I have a PhD in getting hit.
74. I’m trying to save money, but then I see a new shinai.
75. My sensei told me to be like water, but I feel more like a rock being hit by water.
76. Kendo is 10% skill and 90% remembering which way your hakama ties.
77. I’m pretty sure my bogu is starting to evolve its own life form.
78. My shins have their own unique pattern of bruises.
79. I joined Kendo to get in shape, but mostly I’ve gotten in the way of people’s shinais.
80. My Kendo stance is less “powerful warrior” and more “confused flamingo.”

Dirty Kendo Jokes

81. Why did the Kendo fighter get kicked out of the bedroom? He kept yelling “Kote!” every time he touched something.
82. My sensei told me to work on my thrusting technique. I told him I practice every night.
83. She said she likes a man who can handle his wood. I showed her my shinai.
84. Kendo practitioners are great in bed. They have excellent stamina and know how to use their hands.
85. What’s the difference between a Kendo match and a good date? In Kendo, you’re not supposed to enjoy getting hit.
86. I like my partners like I like my shinai: flexible, durable, and makes a satisfying sound on impact.
87. Why are Kendo fighters so good at dating? They know the importance of a strong follow-through.
88. He asked if I was into BDSM. I said, “I do Kendo, so… yes?”
89. My safe word is “Yame!”
90. A Kendo fighter’s pickup line: “Want to see my Zanshin?”
91. She told me to be more aggressive, so I started shouting “Men!” at her.
92. Is that a shinai in your hakama, or are you just happy to see me?
93. I’m not saying Kendo is a contact sport, but my partner and I practice our strikes often.
94. Why did the Kendo couple break up? He said she had poor kamae in the bedroom.
95. My love life is like a Kendo match: a lot of shouting, sweating, and someone usually ends up sore.
96. Want to practice some one-on-one grappling after our Kendo session?
97. He said he wanted to explore my “do.” I told him to aim carefully.
98. My partner loves it when I use my Kendo voice.
99. We don’t just spar in the dojo.
100. Let’s just say my kiai isn’t only for the dojo.
101. She said she wanted a man with skilled hands. I showed her my kote techniques.
102. I told her I was a Kendo master. She said, “Prove it.”
103. The best part of dating a Kendo practitioner? They know how to commit to a strike.
104. Why are Kendo fighters so confident? They know how to handle a long, hard weapon.
105. He wanted to get rough, so I put on my bogu.
106. My girlfriend loves my Kendo uniform. She says the hakama is easy access.
107. After a long night, she said my performance was a definite ippon.
108. I’m looking for a partner who appreciates a good, strong thrust.
109. He told me to show him my best move. It was a perfect do strike.
110. Let’s just say things got a little… “bogu” last night.
111. She asked me what “Zanshin” was. I showed her.
112. Why do Kendo practitioners make great lovers? They have incredible focus and control.
113. My partner says I have a one-track mind. It’s always on hitting the right spot.
114. We were practicing our footwork all night long.
115. Let’s skip the small talk and get straight to the point.
116. My sensei told me to embrace the spirit of the sword. My partner was very pleased.
117. Want to see why they call me the master of the thrust?
118. My kamae is always ready for action.
119. He said he was into role-playing, so I dressed up as a sensei.
120. It’s not the size of the shinai, it’s how you use it.

Kendo Jokes Collected from Reddit

121. What’s a kenshi’s favorite movie? Men in Black.
122. Why don’t Kendo fighters use social media? They prefer direct contact.
123. My son asked if Kendo was like Star Wars. I said, “Yes, but with more shouting and less CGI.”
124. I went to a Kendo tournament, but I couldn’t understand anything. It was all a bit of a shin-dig.
125. Why did the Kendo student bring a dictionary to the dojo? To look up the meaning of ippon.
126. A guy walks into a dojo and asks the sensei, “Can I learn Kendo?” The sensei replies, “Sure, if you’re willing to take a few hits.”
127. What do you call a kenshi with a cold? A kote-tious case.
128. I tried to explain Kendo to my mom. She said, “So it’s fencing with big sticks?”
129. My friend thinks Kendo is easy. I told him to try wearing the bogu for five minutes.
130. Why was the kenshi so good at his job? He always struck a good deal.
131. The first rule of Kendo club is: you do not talk about Kendo club. You shout about it.
132. What’s the hardest part of Kendo? Explaining to people that it’s not karate.
133. I saw a ghost in the dojo. It was a spooky men.
134. Why do kenshi make bad liars? Their body language gives them away.
135. I asked my sensei what the secret to Kendo is. He said, “Just keep striking.”
136. A beginner asks, “Sensei, how long until I’m good?” The sensei replies, “About 10,000 more strikes.”
137. My girlfriend said I’m obsessed with Kendo. I told her she was right on target.
138. Kendo is the only place where you can hit someone with a stick and then bow respectfully.
139. I tried to make a Kendo meme, but it didn’t get any hits.
140. Why did the kenshi go to art school? To perfect his draw.
141. My therapist told me to find a healthy outlet for my aggression. So I picked up a shinai.
142. I’m not saying my sensei is old, but his first shinai was a dinosaur bone.
143. What do you get when you cross a kenshi with a librarian? Someone who tells you to be quiet, very loudly.
144. I accidentally wore my hakama backward to practice. It was a real faux-pas.
145. My dog loves watching me practice Kendo. He thinks it’s a giant game of fetch.
146. A new student asked, “Do we get to use real swords?” The entire dojo just laughed.
147. Kendo: the art of turning bamboo into bruises.
148. Why are kenshi so good at problem-solving? They know how to break things down.
149. My favorite Kendo technique is the one where I don’t get hit.
150. I asked my sensei for advice on life. He just said, “Keep your center.”
151. What’s a kenshi’s favorite day of the week? Shin-day.
152. I spent all my money on bogu, so now I’m bogu-roke.
153. Why don’t kenshi play hide-and-seek? Their kiai gives them away.
154. My kiai sounds like a cat getting its tail stepped on.
155. I told my boss I do Kendo. Now he’s afraid to give me negative feedback.
156. Kendo is like a conversation, but with more shouting and hitting.
157. My sensei said my footwork is improving. I think he meant I’m tripping less.
158. What do you call a Kendo fight in a phone booth? Close-quarters combat.
159. I’m not addicted to Kendo. I can stop anytime I want… after one more practice.
160. My family thinks I’m in a cult. A very loud, sweaty cult.

Best Kendo Jokes

161. Why did the Kendo student get an award? He was outstanding in his field of combat.
162. What do you call a Kendo master who can also cook? A sensei of taste.
163. Why are Kendo practitioners so good at meditation? They know how to clear their men.
164. What’s a kenshi’s favorite type of investment? A good stock.
165. Why did the student bring a fan to the dojo? To keep his bogu cool.
166. How do you compliment a kenshi? “You have a striking personality.”
167. What’s a Kendo fighter’s favorite school subject? His-tory.
168. Why was the shinai so popular? It had a striking personality.
169. What do you call a kenshi who loves to travel? A globe-trotter with a sword.
170. Why was the kenshi a great musician? He had perfect timing and rhythm.
171. What do you call a group of kenshi who sing? A do-wop group.
172. Why did the kenshi break up with the philosopher? He was tired of all the existential dread.
173. What’s a kenshi’s favorite plant? A bam-boo.
174. Why are senseis so wise? They have years of experience under their belts.
175. What’s a kenshi’s favorite part of the day? The strike of midnight.
176. Why did the kenshi join the debate team? He was great at making sharp points.
177. What’s a kenshi’s motto? “Strike first, ask questions later.”
178. Why do kenshi make good leaders? They know how to take charge and stay centered.
179. What do you call a kenshi who is also an artist? A master of fine strikes.
180. Why did the kenshi bring a map to the tournament? To find the path to victory.
181. What’s a kenshi’s favorite weather? A light breeze, perfect for practice.
182. Why are kenshi so disciplined? It’s drilled into them.
183. What’s a kenshi’s favorite board game? Stratego.
184. Why did the kenshi get a ticket? He was speeding through his katas.
185. What do you call a funny sensei? A comedi-ken.
186. Why was the kenshi so good at gardening? He knew how to get to the root of the problem.
187. What’s a kenshi’s favorite drink? A smoothie with a good kick.
188. Why did the kenshi become a doctor? He was an expert at finding pressure points.
189. What’s a kenshi’s favorite dance? The sword dance.
190. Why are kenshi so good at listening? They pay attention to every detail.
191. What do you call a kenshi who tells the future? A seer-dsayer.
192. Why did the kenshi go to the library? To sharpen his mind.
193. What’s a kenshi’s favorite type of story? One with a sharp twist.
194. Why was the kenshi so good at chess? He always thought several moves ahead.
195. What’s a kenshi’s favorite accessory? A sharp-looking belt.
196. Why did the kenshi get a dog? For a sparring partner.
197. What’s a kenshi’s favorite holiday? New Year’s, for a fresh start.
198. Why was the kenshi so popular? He had a magnetic personality.
199. What do you call a kenshi who can’t stop talking? A chatter-bogu.
200. Why did the kenshi cross the road? To get to the dojo on the other side.

Clever & Crazy Kendo Jokes

201. Why don’t Kendo practitioners get cold? They’re always wearing layers.
202. I tried to teach my cat Kendo, but it just kept going for the kote.
203. A kenshi’s brain is 50% technique, 50% kiai, and 100% trying to remember where they put their tenugui.
204. My sensei’s advice is like a good shinai: stings a little, but makes you better.
205. I’m writing a book about Kendo. It’s a real page-turner.
206. Why was the Kendo practitioner so bad at video games? He kept trying to hit the screen.
207. What do you call a kenshi who works at a coffee shop? A bari-sta-rike.
208. I have a recurring nightmare where I show up to a tournament without my hakama.
209. You know you’re a kenshi when you critique the sword fighting in movies.
210. Why did the Kendo student fail his driving test? He kept yelling “Kiai!” at pedestrians.
211. My bogu smells like a combination of old cheese and shattered dreams.
212. What do you call a Kendo fight between two bakers? A do-el.
213. I’m not saying I’m obsessed, but I tried to put a men on my cat.
214. Why did the kenshi get fired from the post office? He kept striking the packages.
215. My favorite kata is the one where we go get ramen after practice.
216. What’s a kenshi’s favorite song? “Hit Me with Your Best Shot.”
217. I tried to do Kendo in my living room. My lamp did not survive.
218. Why are kenshi so good at staying calm in traffic? They’re used to waiting for an opening.
219. I’m not clumsy, I’m just practicing my footwork at all times.
220. My sensei can tell what I had for lunch just by the smell of my bogu.
221. Why did the kenshi bring a pillow to the dojo? He wanted to practice his soft strikes.
222. I tried to have a serious conversation with my sensei, but he just kept saying, “More kiai.”
223. My kiai is so powerful it once shattered a glass. It was my own glass. While I was drinking from it.
224. What do you call a kenshi who is also a farmer? A master of the field.
225. Why was the Kendo student so tired? He’d been practicing all day and all k-night.
226. I’m pretty sure my shinai is haunted. It keeps hitting me on its own.
227. My doctor told me I need more iron in my diet. I told him I prefer bamboo.
228. Why did the kenshi bring a broom to the tournament? He wanted to sweep the competition.
229. I have a love-hate relationship with my bogu. I love the protection, but hate the smell.
230. My life is like a Kendo practice: repetitive, exhausting, but ultimately rewarding.
231. I’m not saying my sensei is strict, but he once gave a critique to a fly for its poor footwork.
232. Why did the kenshi go to the beach? To practice his sand-strikes.
233. My non-Kendo friends don’t understand why I get so excited about a new piece of bamboo.
234. I’m thinking of starting a Kendo-themed rock band called “The Shinai-ners.”
235. What do you call a Kendo practitioner who is always cold? A shivery-ken.
236. My greatest fear is my mom trying to wash my bogu in the washing machine.
237. I tried to explain Zanshin to my friend. He just blinked and asked if it was a type of sushi.
238. Why did the kenshi get a job as a comedian? He had a sharp wit.
239. I’m not saying I’m out of shape, but I need a water break after tying my hakama.
240. My kiai is my spirit animal. And it sounds like a pterodactyl.